The case for bringing a dish of gossip to Thanksgiving this year

Across America, people are spending more time in their kitchens preparing a Thanksgiving meal for their families and friends. Some might be roasting a traditional turkey. Others might be baking brussel sprouts, mashing potatoes or even stirring very buttery hominy. But what if I told you that there was another dish you should consider bringing. One that is extra juicy, and delicious, but doesn’t require you to set another kitchen timer. One that is healthy, easily shareable, and might keep guests coming back for more. 

Bonus: it could even keep politicized conversations around politics and religion off the table. What if I told you that it’s not food, and instead it’s a spoonful of good-old fashioned gossip? 

“Exchanging gossip is a lot safer than broaching dangerous topics like politics and religion,” said David Ludden, a professor of psychology at Georgia Gwinnett College. “So, when crazy Uncle Joe starts carrying on about his pet conspiracy theories, don’t get angry or argue with him, just politely say, ‘that’s interesting,’ and then move on to gossiping about someone.”

That’s because despite the common belief that gossip is toxic, low-brow and considered rude to partake in, psychologists say that the right kind of gossip is actually good for our health. Not only are there health benefits, but humanity needs it to survive and actually thrives on it. Sharing good gossip, it turns out, can bring people closer together.

In 2021, researchers published a study in the journal Current Biology strengthening the case for the value of gossip, positioning it as a tool for cooperation. In the study, neuroscientists invited participants to play an online game called “public goods” to test the tension between cooperative and selfish behavior. In the game, points earned could later be exchanged for dollars where players could choose to either keep the points, or invest them in a group fund. 

In this game, psychologists often find that participants change their behavior based on whether or not other players contribute, or don’t contribute, to the group fund. In this study, the researchers allowed participants to exchange private messages with each other, essentially allowing them to gossip about one another. When they did, they found that the groups who gossiped felt the most connected with each other by the end of the game. They also found that the groups who gossiped also made more money, signifying a stronger willingness to cooperate and work together. 

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But wait, isn’t gossip bad? There’s the old saying: “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Not exactly, as researchers who are trying to promote the benefits of gossip are quick to distinguish there are differences between “good” and “bad” gossip. Ludden said in psychology, gossip is simply defined as “the exchange of social information.” Anytime you talk about another person, it’s technically gossip, he said. But it’s the way in which it is used that determines if it’s “bad” or not. 

“The difference between ‘good’ gossip and ‘bad’ gossip isn’t about whether you’re saying positive or negative things about another person,” he said. “Rather, it’s about whether you’re using gossip in ways that are beneficial to your social group.”
He provided me with a couple of examples. For instance, if you are sharing information about someone that will help other people improve their interactions with that person, that is “good gossip.” Even if you had an unpleasant experience with someone, another person might know about what’s going on in their life that can help change your perspective on the event. This is still good gossip.

“‘Bad’ gossip is ‘toxic’ gossip,” Ludden said. “It is gossip used for the purpose of manipulating others for your own benefit and at the expense of others.”

One example of this is if someone is jealous that their friend is getting close to another person. As a result, they might tell their friend something bad about that person. It might be true, or it might not be true. Either way, their purpose of sharing this gossip isn’t to help but rather to hurt them. This is bad gossip. 

When it comes to the benefits of gossip, there are a myriad of ways it can bring people together, Ludden said. It all goes back to its evolutionary roots: the need to maintain social cohesion in large groups. Hunter-gatherers lived in groups of 100 to 150 people. It was impossible for them to keep tabs on everyone, so they relied on gossip to maintain social cohesion. Psychologist Robin Dunbar wrote a book that compared gossip for humans to grooming for apes, a means of social bonding.  

“It is our ability to use language as a means of exchanging social information that enabled our ancestors to live and work in these larger groups,” Ludden said. “Since we can’t keep track of what’s going on in the lives of all the members in our group, we benefit from other people’s experiences with them by what they report to us.”  

And yes, there is science to support that it does feel good to gossip. In 2015, scientists were curious to look at the brain while hearing good and bad gossip — about themselves, their friends and celebrities. In general, hearing all types of gossip showed more activity in the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s reward system, confirming the pleasure many feel participating in some good gossiping. 

This Thanksgiving, you have permission to indulge in some guilt-free gossip. In fact, you could be the one to bring it up — just make sure your intentions are good.  

“You’re going to gossip at the Thanksgiving dinner table anyway, so you might as well make it pleasant,” Ludden said.