GOP finally picks a speaker: But the hellish chaos of D.C. won’t end anytime soon

The clowns continue to burn down their circus.

Late Tuesday, the clowns started whispering, “Who is Mike Johnson?” That murmur spread across the country — and was even heard in Johnson’s home district. Before that point, there was even some discussion of pulling Gilligan from his deserted island and nominating him to be House speaker.

But by noon on Wednesday it was obvious the Republicans were tired, worn out and beaten down, so Rep. Mike Johnson of Louisiana — whose greatest claim to fame has been to deny that Joe Biden won the 2020 election, and who also proposed ways to overturn that election — was finally elected as speaker of the House.

It makes as much sense as anything else I’ve seen on Capitol Hill in the last three weeks.

Let me digress.

As a young boy I was a NASA enthusiast.

I collected every newspaper clipping I could about the Gemini and Apollo missions (I was too young for the Mercury missions).

My dad also bought me a telescope. I’d stare into the night sky and wonder how many planets revolved around the infinite number of stars in the universe, and whether anyone was staring back at me wondering the same thing.

Now I can only wonder how many of the possible civilizations out there destroyed themselves out of greed, lust, stupidity and self-absorption, the depths of which have lately been reached in the House of Representatives.

Our world is divided, our country is distraught. Wars are raging, and according to the president of the United States, our country is at an “inflection point.”

We aren’t currently threatened by asteroids, comets or alien invasion; just by our own hubris. All politicians suffer from this affliction, but no group of alleged human beings on the planet suffer it more acutely than what remains of the Republican Party. 

More than anything else, that party has come to resemble its lord and master Donald Trump. It can’t govern. It can’t pass a bill. It can’t acknowledge the needs of others. It is narrow-minded, cynical and overtly misanthropic, in the truest sense of that word. The party is racist, misogynistic, anti-poor, elitist, delusional and greedy for power at all costs. That also perfectly describes Trump. This is his spirit writ large, trying and failing on another grand scale.

If the Republican Party was in elementary school, what grade would it be in?

I’ve asked that once or twice. Sometimes I get a smirk. Maybe an attempt at a sarcastic reply.

But I ask the question sincerely. The average sixth grader understands the basics of government — at least until the GOP passes more cuts to public education. 

Here’s a relevant question: If you can’t govern yourselves, why would you expect the rest of the country to believe you can govern us?

The answer I hear most often to that question is some variety of, “This is the way it works. It’s sloppy. That’s democracy.”

In that answer there’s an implied admission of an absence of self-control, but also the suggestion that being out of control is part of the democratic process. That’s like saying that even if you drink a gallon of bourbon, you’re still sober.

No. No, you’re not. 

You have to govern your own bad behavior before you try to govern others. The level of our political debate has to be higher than that. American politics should be more than an endless argument among pre-pubescent swimmers at a private country club pool or, perhaps more accurately, a “Lord of the Flies” reality show starring Mike Johnson as Piggy.

Wednesday dawned with Joe Biden on the South Lawn talking about imagination and “working together,” standing next to the Australian prime minister. He was talking about our relationship with a Pacific ally, but reading between the lines there was no doubt that he was talking to the clowns down the street who were making a mockery of American democracy in Congress.

Republican dysfunction did not end with a collective sigh of relief and the election of a House speaker whose credentials are threadbare or nonexistent. The last three weeks of GOP pandemonium threatened not just the legislative branch, but the entire government. 

I’ve spent those last three weeks visiting both the White House and the Capitol multiple times. It has never been worse. While the pre-pubescent pustules in the House were pissing all over their sandbox on Tuesday afternoon, Biden honored scientists and innovators in the East Room of the White House. Some of the very best among us were honored for innovative work on biomechanics, the internet, diversity and research into Alzheimer’s, heart disease, eye disease, cancer and botany.

It was humbling to see this diverse group of scientists and innovators, a representative group of people who often toil away anonymously for years, many never expecting to be honored but soldiering on in their work. “When you do the right thing, no one may ever recognize what you do, but you do it anyway,” a family member of one award recipient told me.

I left the East Room both impressed and wondering why we can’t get people like that in Congress.

Those Republicans who’ve spent the last few weeks ina fetid conference room either in the Longworth building or in the Capitol, arguing with each other amid the odors of flop-sweat, cigar and cigarette butts, stale coffee and pizza, gave the impression of a never-ending frat party held by the Omegas in “Animal House.”

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Meanwhile, the Biden administration has kept its distance. I asked White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre on Tuesday if the president would consider inviting leading Republicans to the White House to discuss leadership issues. She said it wasn’t necessary because a majority in Congress, even at its divisive worst, remains supportive of aid to both Ukraine and Israel. After Johnson was elected on Wednesday afternoon I asked the president, at the end of his bilateral press conference with Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, whether he planned to  invite the new speaker of the House to the White House. He didn’t answer; I wasn’t listed among his note cards of pre-selected questioners.

It’s an important question. Biden has made deals to supply military aid to Ukraine and Israel and also announced a defense deal with Australia. All of that includes spending that must be authorized by Congress. There is no guarantee that the Republicans who currently control the House can deliver on anything before the next election, when they will face the ire of voters  weary of their “Lord of the Flies” attitude.

Worst of all, if the House fails to pass another continuing resolution or to otherwise deal with the budget by Nov. 17, that would lead to another government shutdown. As reported in the Hill, “Congress has passed budgets on time only four times in the last 46 years — not once since 1997.” Otherwise, it’s been a series of shutdowns and continuing resolutions, which are “essentially temporary permission for the government to keep operating with the previous year’s budget and without any new programs.” We can only hope to avoid the 34-day shutdown at the end of 2018, when Republicans also held the House majority.

Government shutdowns were unheard of before a one-day shutdown of the Federal Trade Commission during the Carter administration, which cost the government $700,000 — barely a rounding error in today’s budget math. It was Ronnie Reagan, better known as the godfather of today’s Republican Party, who made shutdowns popular, using them as leverage on three different occasions. Since then they’ve only grown in popularity, with both Democrats and Republicans being equally responsible. The fact that shutdowns have become a normal part of politics is symbolic of the ongoing chaotic mess our government has become since Reagan unleashed hell upon us.

It is time for all this to come to an end. Joe Biden, who has manifested a return to American norms on the International stage, needs to jumpstart that attitude here at home.

Reagan created a lot of the discomfort, disconnect and disunity in this country — and given that his stewardship of this country began more than 40 years ago (and also, unfortunately, bequeathed us Mitch McConnell), there aren’t too many people around who understand when the chaos began, or how.

But Biden knows, and he should do something about it.

Biden complained in the East Room Tuesday that humanitarian aid isn’t getting into Gaza fast enough. When I asked National Security Council spokesman John Kirby about this later, he said the president blamed “actors in the region” for the delay (without specifically naming anyone).

That’s all well and good, but if Biden is upset now, what will he think when our own government becomes complicit in this delay because of self-inflicted chaos and drama in the House? That’s not just idle conjecture. It’s a legitimate concern, based on watching Republican members of Congress tear down political institutions in hopes of ruling over the rubble and cheering for themselves while our country sinks into division. 

So Mike Johnson, a full-on Donald Trump sycophant, joins the choir of fools in the Republican-controlled House who don’t understand how government works and don’t care, and who won’t make any effort to solve real problems. That reign of error will not end with the election of a new speaker, nor for that matter as long as Republicans control the House.

This country is in dire need of adults like those honored at the White House on Tuesday. Without them, the chaos first introduced into the body politic 40 years ago will continue to fester and spread. 

Late in the day on Wednesday the Republicans all gave a perfunctory cheer at Johnson’s elevation to the speakership, but the entire spectacle reminded me of the scene on the bus at the end of “The Graduate.”

Now what? 

The tired phrase, “Be careful what you wish for” has never rung so true.

America’s cold reality is far different than the romantic Republican dysfunctional fever dream, born of dissatisfaction, disinterest, dismal verisimilitude and disingenuous divisiveness.  

Go back and check out “Terminator 2.” There’s a scene when the young John Connor says, “We’re not going to make it, people,” and is met with a dystopian response from the Terminator: “It is in your nature to destroy yourselves.”

The Republican clowns in the House are living proof. They would welcome that destruction with a smile.

That’s the cold reality we face.