The Carnival Of Thieves, By Bayo Oluwasanmi

They say “there’s no honour among thieves.” I didn’t believe it until I saw the curtain rise at noon, Saturday, March 26, 2022, at Eagles Square, Abuja at the All Professional Convicts (APC) carnival of thieves. It showcases the bumbling of crooks, spiced with humorous whims, romance, and masquerades.

The carnival was full of delicate charming style. The thieves put up no impressionistic choreography. They don’t have to rely on tricks. There’s no display of farce and fantasy. This is comedy alive. A real show of true adventures of real big-time thieves. 

There’s nothing unsure or fake about the man who emerged as the new national leader of the confederate of thieves. He is a true certified thief! He projects an innocence that is both amusing and ironic. He and his band of thieves are off to a good start to establish a permanent repertoire of looting in the next general elections and beyond.

The new national leader of thieves is under the microscope for N15 billion fraud. Another thief was elected the national scribe of the party. In 2016, he was arrested for N1.3 billion allegedly gotten from money earmarked for national security. He was also the primary suspect in the coldblooded murder of Bola Ige, the former Attorney General and Minister of Justice.

Addressing the gathering, the new national leader of thieves said: “APC will steal more money in the next four or eight years.” 

“Let’s rise early and loot the looted and the re-looted national treasury,” he appeals to his brethren of thieves. “The time has come for us to show our brigandage and brinksmanship to take Nigeria back to the Stone Age. The time has come for us to be unpatriotic in words and deeds. The time has come for us to affirm the destruction of the people by its elected people. So, help us, God!”

The carnival boasts of 7,586 delegates made up of scumbags, sociopaths, kleptomaniacs, lowlifes, shameless but proud thieves. As the Butcher of Aso Rock regales in his power, majesty, stupor, flashing his trademark sick smiles, the All Professional Convicts have come to cement their lifestyle of thievery. 

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