Phillip FaraoneGetty Images
On Thursday, Eva Mendes posted a selfie including a caption to which many parents in quarantine can probably relate right now. She mentioned being a “tired mama” after setting up her daughter Amada’s fourth birthday surprises the night before. Many fans commented saying they could relate to Mendes’s fatigue, but some fans took issue with Mendes only mentioning the tired mothers who are at home parenting their children right now. Mendes responded with kindness.
“Tired Mama,” she began. “Stayed up laaate trying to make my baby’s 4th birthday extra special since she won’t see the family. Here’s to all you having a quarantine birthday …sending extra love. Here’s to all you tired mamas…sending extra love. ????”
Then the criticisms started rolling in.
“Tired parents! Let’s stop assuming it’s always the female that carries all the home’s work load. #languageispower #quitstereotyping #different families,” one commenter wrote.
Another fan asked why Mendes seems like a “single mother” online and wondered why she doesn’t mention her husband.”
“Sorry, but it’s mostly women who follow me on this page,” Mendes responded. “I like to connect to the women. It’s just my nature. I’m a girl’s girl. Has absolutely nothing to do with “stereotyping.” Sending love to you, to all the tired papas and all the tired caregivers from this tired mama.” In another comment she reportedly added: “So when I say I’m a ‘tired mama’ and want to connect to other ‘tired mamas’ it’s not about excluding the fathers or other caregivers that do so much. It’s just me connecting to other women but in no way does it de-value what papas do. And why I don’t talk about Ryan and all the wonderful things he does as a father is because I keep that part private.”
She went on: “I don’t want to involve him or how he parents because I don’t feel comfortable crossing that boundary that I have set for myself. I feel it’s best that I continue to disclose what I’m comfortable with but not involve him or my kids too much. “It’s not about being cagey or weird, it’s just about staying private in a public space. Does that make sense? Hope so. Because this is my honest answer and I really do love connecting to you women.”
In the past, Mendes has spoken about why she chooses to keep her home life private. In a 2014 interview with Violet Grey, she mentioned why she and Gosling chose to keep their first daughter’s arrival a secret.
“Whether we like it or not, privacy is going to be very difficult for Esmeralda,” she said then. “I think it’s unfair, but that’s our reality. So Ryan and I decided early on to give her as much privacy as we could. And my pregnancy was the first opportunity to give her that. It’s such an intimate time for the mother, too. I know that it seems all very innocuous when you’re flipping through a tabloid at the doctor’s office or see a photo of a pregnant lady online, but I find the media’s ‘bump watch’ obsession to be both intrusive and stressful. So I made a decision to eject myself from it completely. I was like, ‘Annnnd I’m out.'”